TWO GIGS IN ONE DAY

or

The Plaza and the Bookstore

by

Jay Lehman

 

It started bizarrely

It didn’t seem right

To sing in the morning

Instead of at night?

Sing before noon?

On a blazing bright day?

In a small Plaza Market?

That’s where we’ll play?

Well, o.k., it’s all right

That sounds kinda’ fun

We’ll sing for a while

And then we’ll be done

Then we started to sing --

Try anyway

I’m not sure what you’d call

What came out that day

It sounded like mooses

Putting on their own opera

Or a Japanese Monster flick

Like Godzilla or Gamera

We were sick, we were foul

Every sound came out fully

Like a thick, knotted rope

Through a broken down pully

Sounds like a cow

With bad salmonella

We completely bit

The big one a cappella

Please, Mr. please

I don’t want to stay

Don’t make me keep singing

I don’t want to play

 

No one is listening

No one’s inspired

Please let me go home

I’m getting so tired

  

I began to dream

Of disasters could happen

One little tipped bicycle

Or a car-wreck distraction

On the street near the entrance

We’d would treat it like tender

A perfect excuse for us all

To surrender

Ah, to grab the equipment

And retreat like in Gaza

And never return

To this morning Plaza

But no, there we were

In a row without rally

Chained to our mics

Like a slaves in a Galley

Please, Mr. Please

Let us all run away

I don’t want to sing

I don’t want to play

I can’t wait for that final

Downbeat to stop

Can we get out of here

Before we all drop?

OOH – we’re stinking so bad

That we couldn’t win

A Jr. High talent show

With the Judge full of gin

Though I had to admit

As we stood there not stopping

A kind of peace settled in

While we were flopping

We all became punchy

As each song hit the tubes

There’s a definite peace

When you’re totally screwed

 

It’s not a salvation

It’s not a real sin

And since nobody cares

Everyone wins

Why are we tanking?

- Our voices all quaver -

Oh, for a good show

One we could all savour

But the last depressent

The nail in the coffin

Was a kind, older gent

Who started a’ talkin

‘You know the movie "Titanic"?’

He began his request

‘Can you do the Main Theme?’

‘No,’ (‘And still keep our respect.)’

But now another gig

Is what we gaze towards

Like a frog in a headlight

We have to look forwards

Oh goody, oh joy

A great opportunity

To sing some more

Like in service – community

Yes, our friends Barnes & Noble

Will greet us with skill

As we sing in their book store

And great coffee mill

  

Please, Mr. Please

Let’s call it a day

Don’t make us sing

Don’t make us play

I don’t want to have to

Go through this, and how

So shoot us all dead

We don’t mind – do it now!

We got their with spirits

(And other things) low

‘All right, let’s just sing

We’ll do it, then go’

We gritted our teeth

And set down our mics

And started to hamonize

For the parents and tikes

We tried to forget

All the feelings we were bucking

Then low and behold –

We started not sucking

The notes were all coming

We could hear our own voices

Each part was working

Even all our song choices

We were joking and laughing

And enjoying the sound

And the people all stopped

When they all came around

 

They forgot all their books -

All those bibliophiles -

Soon, so many people

In so many isles

And what’s that strange sound

I could hear, like strapping?

It’s the sound of one hand

And another both clapping

‘Oh, my God!’ I thought

As we sang "Zombie" jive

‘How strange to sing to people,

Alive’

Teeny-boppers sat down

On the floor and were awed

Though their ice cream cones

Made it tough to applaud

It’s fun! At last!

The notes aren’t stinking

We’re a group once again

And each of us thinking

But the best part came

When the young ones appeared

First the Babies in strollers

Then Toddlers endeared

They jammed and jumped

And boogyed and swayed

Some needed some help

From their parents, but hey  

Their faces told us -

Every girl, every boy -

That in fact we were causing them

Nothing but joy

What a boost, what a gas

What a hoot, what a time

Here’s a show to remember

And was it ever sublime!

It saved the whole day -

This second of gigs

Our spirits stopped bleedin’

Like half-slaughtered pigs

We wailed and crooned

With soul and with style

And sang for the singing

And it wasn’t so vile

Please, Mr. Please

Thanks for saying we’re fine

But we want to stay

I know it’s the time

But let us stay here

Where our voices are ringin’

All the people are laughing

And diggin’our singin’

Sure, there was lots to say

Either way

But we’ll always remember

Two gigs in one day.

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